Review : Mera pehla pehla pyar

Note : The edited version of this review appears at Planet Bollywood

Rating : Below average (2.8/5)
Genre : Romance
Year : 2007
Director : Robby Grewal
Cast : Ruslaan Mumtaz, Hazel, Kanwaljeet, Gaurav Gera, Manoj Pahwa

MERA PEHAL PEHLA PYAR (MP3) : FOR TEENIE BOPPERS ONLY !

I have spoken about puerile nonsense before. Please consider this film a shining example of it. MP3 can best be described as anti-Cheeni-Kum. If CK was a love story for adults, MP3 is a love story for teenie-boppers. Not being a teenager anymore, I have lost the tolerance for juvenile stupidities. If you’re under 25 you might – and that’s a big might – get this film. Of course you’d also have to run low on common sense.

This film also gives rise to many questions, the chief one being – are kids these days really dumb enough to steal one’s Dad’s credit card, and then hazard a trip to Paris, without the remotest clue of where one is to get to in Paris ? Paris is not a little village. And these are not the dark ages. The internet and email, maps and information is yours to be had. Why then, not use the little grey cells instead of going around blathering about love ?

Also, Dad will find out about large unauthorised charges on his credit card, and you will get royally whupped. Hopefully.

I must also say that the story suffers from serious defects. A story has interest – the hang-in-there factor, because it has a problem. This one has none. I do not count getting to Paris to declare your love a problem – I mean it’s not like he’s going to fight a war or something. The film therefore is one long, UN-ENDING saga of love between Rohan (can you think of a more apt name ?) played by Ruslaan Mumtaz, and Ayesha (Hazel). The two are minors, and study in Class 11 and 12 in the same school (Groan!). In the cast are also several other young people who study in the same school, and Rohan and Ayesha’s parents and other kith and kin.

Please note that I have nothing against the young-love genre. However, as everywhere else, some quality please. And protagonists I can sympathise with. Both Rohan and Ayesha display no redeeming qualities to counter their stupidities. It could possibly be that I’m at an age where one can recognize a nitwit when one sees one – and it is hard to countenance antics of said nitwits without wondering whether they come from gene pools totally bereft of intelligence, common sense and soul. It could also be that the script writer has written two characters, who concentrate so hard on their love-life, that they lose any other interesting aspects of their personalities.

Rohan Sood is a Punjabi boy. Why do all unwholesome, “wanna-be-cool” protagonists have to be Punjabi ? Can one not imagine an intelligent Punjabi boy as hero, one who does not salivate while checking out “hot aunties” ? Rohan acts cool, is a fan of the “Detroit Rangers” (that Amrikan hang-up again) and is a product of the most tolerant parents ever. The heroine of the film, Ayesha, has not much to her role except being in love. She has as much spine as a lightning-struck doe. She is coy, she simpers – she’s like any other Bollywood heroine, except that she looks much too European. And she can’t act.

Speaking of intelligence, the adults in the film don’t display much of it either. While Rohan’s Dad (played by Kanwaljeet) offers his irresponsible, school-skipping son money AND his car to go dating, (Rohan promptly crashes the car), Ayesha’s Mom nods understandingly as Ayesha demonstrates the “look” she sports to impress the boys (Ah! A mother’s pride hath no bounds !)

Thus the only good things to come out of this film are :

1. The title track “Mera pehla pehla pyar”
2. The hero Ruslaan, who shows promise despite the husk of a role.

Much like the “A” certificate, I do think that the government must constitute a TB (Teenie Bopper) certificate to award to such films. Only people under 18 would be eligible to watch such films, thus saving all unwary folk (like me) from so much agony, and would ultimately make this universe a better place, and help achieve world peace.