In this blog Uma writes about dowry. Plain and simple, it’s not hard to understand. What is abundantly clear from the various links she has, and from the horror stories you have head from family/friends (as I have) , that in the face of weak laws and an even weaker justice system, and a “culture” that reveres woman as “Mata” but kills her every day, it is upto the parents to stop sacrificing their daughters at the altar of marriage. It is hard no doubt in a society which dictates that a woman’s primary aim in life is to marry, and procreate (and soon !), (and serve her in-laws), but change must come, even though it comes at a slow pace.
Another thing I’ve heard is of families trying to “settle” the matter, if there is a problem. I wonder if the families ever think “Let’s just give the TV/car/money – at least our daughter will remain married, even though her in-laws torture her and could possibly kill her”. Does it ever occur to them of her pain ? Is it OK then for women to suffer in their married homes ? A couple of beatings a month, an adulterous husband, sadistic in-laws, all part of life, no ?
The raw reality is that many parents want their daughters to “adjust” to domestic violence and mental and physical abuse, if it means that she can stay married. Is that the worth of our daughters today ? Is that how discard-able our girls have become to us ? To be born (if she’s born at all) and brought up, and then gotten rid of ! And left to her unhappy lot ? Ever wonder what that daughter feels ? Ever wonder what she will assimilate and teach HER daughter ?
Categories : _women , _india
Education and Awarness are some of the solutions put forward to curb the problem of Dowry
I have a thought, Education & Awarness has a lot to do with this, One cant abolish dowry, atleast not in the decades to come, but what if son(s) & daughter(s) happen to inherit their parents assets equally. Girls often have to compromise in this. Rather than giving tv/car/money, parents have to give her( and not their son-in-law) a fair share of their assets.
Jeyavel,
I agree – it would help if the women inherited enough to financially support themselves, but dowry is just the manifestation of a bigger problem. If there were no dowry, do you think it would be OK to have an unmarried daughter of “marriageable” age sitting at home ? I doubt it. It is the cultural mindset where daughters are considered of “no worth” and a liability – so basically you are handing over your liability to someone else, and paying for it.
A woman’s status in Indian society is elevated when she is married – and that is what has to change. Respect and acceptance should not depend on one’s marital status. Women need to have choices – marriage and children should not be the
only goal.
If there were no dowry, a lot of “traditional, conservative and even modern and libral” families would definetely prefer to have their son unmarried, rather than having to look after a new member of the family because she happens to be female and without dowry. Women are seen as a liability, thats why the concept of dowry exists. Thats why we have “Kanya Dhan”.
Education without Awareness has only made things worse.
I remember two candidates at AFMC interview discussing their prospects of getting dowry in 7 or 8 digits, because they were going to be doctors! while the interview was only a preliminary one and they were only 17 or 18. The point is if this was the way their parents brought them up, Imagine how the daughters are brought up!
Jeyavel,
I’d say it has more to do with awareness than education (female foeticide is quite prevalent among the “educated”, upper-classes too), although both would help. Also agree about the “liability” part (as I said in my previous post). If we thought of our daughters as strong persons in their own right, able to earn a living and support families, we wouldn’t be so ready to sacrifice them to dowry deaths, and marital abuse.
you couldn’t be more right!
Formatted comment :
These days I come across 100s if not 1000s of FALSE extortion cases and FALSE dowry cases.
http://www.ibnlive.com/article.php?id=5472§ion;_id=3
” REL=”nofollow”>http://cities.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=170603
etc.are some recent press reports of the same
The law that was made to protect the woman, seems to be grossly mis-used to extract money from innocent men or to wreck vengeance.
So…. there is another side to the coin
Vinayak
Vinayak,
I haven’t yet come across a single “extortion” case, amid numerous genuine cases of abuse. However that just might be my situation. I do think that marriage is a cumbersome way to extort money, if extorting money is your objective.
Vinayak has a point. the solution lies in getting men and women to fight dowry and not to tolerate abuse, be it from male or female.
I mean lets see this from a different perspective, if men and women are equal, there are going to be good men and women, also bad people regardles of their sex.
Amodini, i recall a situation i bangalore, where the husband’s family had to avail the services of private detectives to prove that the woman (wife) was indeed extorting the man.
women are abused much more commonly, that dosent mean that men are never abused!
Jeyavel,
Point taken. I did not mean to say that there cannot be such people (there is good and bad everywhere). However, to me, seeing and hearing what I’ve seen and heard, it seems . . . surreal. I do believe that there are many, many women who are in abusive situations today, and their percentage far outnumbers the men who get caught in “extortion” marriages. Ofcourse, both categories must get justice.
An example,
http://anthonysmirror.blogspot.com/2006/02/did-monster-mauled-her.html