Reading this post, I have mixed feelings. My own kids are yet small, but I’m pretty clear on the kind of knowledge I want them to have of their culture and on being desi. Because desi is what you are, born of 2 desi parents.
I am Hindu but not really religious, which causes many raised eyebrows in my family. I don’t do many pujas, or fasts, and feminism doesn’t neatly fit into Hindu culture. When we get sermons on visiting (from India) uncles and aunties, on raising our children to be Indian, the implication being that American is “not good” (a separate post on that), I am the one who raises the question on the possibility of such a thing. The kids are desi – true. But they are also born in America, which rightly makes them Indian-American, a blend of both Indian and American values. How can I raise them to be only Indian, eat Indian, speak Indian, wear Indian ? How can I expect my children to not be influenced by the society they live in ?
I do not want to ghetto-ize my kids.
Still, I am big on culture. And I don’t equate culture with religion. Culture is knowing who you are, who your ancestors were, what language they spoke, what food you eat, why you eat it, if there is a God, who She is and a number of other things – both bad and good. This forms your core, defines who you are, until you are old enough or wise enough to decide differently. Whether your core is good or bad, you’d better have one, otherwise you’re in bigger trouble. And these things can be learned over time. However most of us gain this “heritage” by dint of birth. We are born into a particular family, of certain beliefs, on a certain society, and a certain culture. That generally forms your first belief system.
Knowing all this, learning your parents’ mother-tongue (which is now yours by way of birth) does not mean, that you do not assimilate other cultures. It does not stop you from questioning. Important questions like why dowry originated or why it doesn’t stop. It doesn’t stop you from appreciating that though in Hindi we have “Aap” and “Tum”, in English we have only “You”. Obvious differences in language and practice point to a difference in origination of beliefs, and apart from all the know-your-culture blather are pretty interesting to see.
And ultimately, once you have a certain understanding of culture, your and others, it is upto you. Whether you choose to follow your culture, or only parts of it, or splice it up with parts of another culture which you find good, is your choice. But to make this choice, you need to know your own culture first.
When in India, there is a subtle assimilation of desi culture. You walk by a temple, you hear the Aarti inside. You walk by a vegetable vendor on the road, and he is selling his wares in a particular language. You hear loud, annoying filmi songs from a neighborhood speaker to celebrate a religious festival. You see a marriage procession on the road complete with band-baaja and dancing baaratis. You see youngsters playing cricket in a park. You learn Hindi or Telugu or Tamil because everyone at home or around you speaks it. You learn of differect cultural aspects by meeting people who are more or less of similar cultures.
In America it’s not that clear-cut. You don’t actually hear Hindi outside the home. If you don’t keep track of your festivals, Rakhi or Holi will pass you by, and you’ll be none the wiser. Here it takes much more of a focussed effort to learn something we take for granted in India. If left to themselves the kids will assimilate culture – a hodeg-podge of American, Chinese, Mexican and other cultures, without knowing where they stand themselves. I’d like them to have a balance, a good mix of cultures, knowledge of others besides themselves, and people like themselves.
It’s a matter of providing choices, not ramming them down your kids’ throats. Proving “culture”, sending them to language school, or the facility to learn about Pujas (Vedic chants and what have you), or even seeing Hindi films, is not just what it seems – it’s a way of providing a backbone, a backbone which they will need when they’ll have to answer questions by themselves. I do agree that a person can be whole and complete without “being desi-fied” but it does help to be able to answer when my daughter asks me why we eat dal-rice instead of burgers everyday (and we do eat burgers). Or why she is dark-skinned when her friend Sara is fair. Or why she doesn’t look like Barbie.
