With all the hoopla around Valentine’s Day, it’s hard to bring a coherent thought to the head. The hype around chocolates would make you believe they are a woman’s best friend . They aren’t. But since many around me haven’t a clue, here’s what NOT to get your valentine :

#1 Teddy bears or plush/stuffed/soft toys of any variety : You don’t know it, but teddy bears are the biggest space hoggers. They don’t squish into little nooks and crannies, and they don’t deflate to make space (No, I don’t want those either). Plus they are extremely unwieldy, and can’t be sorted or put away neatly. And please, teddy bears and home décor (like what’s with the hundreds of teddy bears on beds, shelves and mantelpieces ?) ? Get the thought out of your head ! What do you do with a Teddy Bear anyway ? You can’t wear it, you can’t eat it, and you can’t smell it. Seriously useless.

#2 Chocolates/Caramelized popcorn/Candy of any kind : No chocolates please – I have loads of them from past Halloweens, choking up shelf-space. And so does every other female on this planet. And whoever thought of caramelized popcorn had only one thought in mind – torture. Are there not better things to eat ? I mean, if it has to come down to matters of the stomach.

#3 Flowers : The old, clichéd fall-back. I don’t actually dislike flowers. However they need tending to. I don’t need things to tend to. Au contraire, I need to be tended to ! There are instructions to be followed, plant food to be fed, and they need to be clipped with garden shears before they can be immersed in water. I mean really, what garden shears ? What garden ? Plus you have to have a vase handy (who does ?) and you have to change the water every three days. Yeah, you heard that right – every three days. I fill up my desk-water-bottle every three days, you think I’m watering the roses too ?

Get creative. I know people quail at the mere mention of “creativity”. But, hey it’s only one day. And while we are on that topic, why only one day to express “THE LOVE” ? Don’t you love her/him the rest of the 364 days ?