The current controversy – that of the Maharashtrian, brings to mind the question of belonging. I have no “accent” so to speak, no Haryanvi influence, no UP-ite drawl, no Punjabi ruggedness, no American accent. I am often asked where I am from , now in the US, and many, many times in India. I often want to ask people what they mean when they ask that. Actually I do ask for clarifications from peers – Do you mean where my parents are from ? Or do you mean me ? They’ll clarify.

However try asking the Unclejis/Auntijis this sort of stuff, and I get these weird looks like they’re thinking I’m an odd girl (Not very docile, is she now ?). Do they think that I have remained rooted to the birthplace of my ancestors ? Is that what they mean – where were your grand-parents from ? Surely not, since they are talking to me ? Surely they care about me – the person standing in front of them, more than my great-great-grandfather’s home-town ? Are they asking me what my native tongue is ? Where I went for my summer holidays ? Mussoorie ??? Are they asking me where my father’s elder brother lives ? Or my Mom’s ? Or where I live now ?

In the US, sometimes this question is understandable – I ask it, and I couldn’t care about the language you spoke at home, as long as we can communicate somehow. You try to get a feel for the person you just met – where did you go to school ? Non-vegetarian ? You try to form links and connections – do you know so-and-so etc. But I’ve noticed that there are also other reasons people ask this – you can see their minds work. Reasons such as the reason to classify me as a Northie, or a Southie, to find out my caste and my Gotra, to find out if I am one of them.

To those people I give the whole schpiel :

“My father is from so-and-so, and my grand-father was from so-and-so village. My mother’s side is from this city, but that was because my grand-father moved … And then of-course we never actually lived in my “home-town(s)”, so I don’t if I actually belong there. And then we moved again . . . to the US. Let me tell you where all I’ve lived here . . “

At this point, people’s eyes are glazing over. If I notice, I stop. But, sometimes, I don’t.

The question of “belonging” has always gotten me – what really is the correct answer ? Do you belong to the land of your ancestors ? You may or may not have been brought up there, so how do you profess links ? Do you belong to your Dad’s “place” or your Mom’s ? Or both ? What if they are really far apart ? I have lived all over India, and least of all in the states to which my parents/grand-parents profess attachment. If I live anywhere for more than 5 years, can I say I belong there ? When I learn a language which is not my mother-tongue, can I say I belong ? If I move to another country, and consider it home, do I belong ?

Who decides if I belong ? Just like who decides if I’m a patriot, a Hindu, or fit to live and speak my mind ? Who, really ?

Cross-posted at Desicritics